"Watch Santa Fly"  

Posted by Stan Harrington


My good friend Santa has always been a mystery to me. He has never divulged his secret to me and I have never pressed him to talk about his nightly journey around the world. I am sure that there are a number of hostile nations that would like to know his secret so it is best that is is never divulged. However, with the advancement of technology and the assistance from "Suzie My Navigator" and Microsoft Excel, I have been able to partially divulge a portion of the secret of Santa, however, the technical aspects of his secret will remain just that, Double Top Secret!

Between Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, Santa Clause's route around the world includes stops at 2.5 billion homes. Assuming that children of all religions receive a present from the jolly man. It is estimated that there are 48 people per square mile on earth and 66 feet between each home. So if Santa leaves his home and travels against the rotation of the earth, he has 48 hours to deliver the goods.

Putting these numbers into the equation, that means he has 34 microseconds at each stop. In this time, he needs to get through the chimney, drop off the presents, nibble some cookies and milk, back up the chimney and hop into his sleigh. Santa's reindeer must travel at a speed of 3,604 miles per second to make the trip on time which accounts why the U.S. Air Force can never keep up with him when they start tracking him.

I know you are busy Santa, but please have a safe trip and please buckle up for safety.

P.S. Don't forget to pack my present, your plate of fudge and spiced eggnog will be waiting for you.

This entry was posted on December 10, 2007 at Monday, December 10, 2007 . You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed .

5 comments

Heidi  

I am currently decorating with your lovely other half and we are enjoying a lot of egg nog. Do you know...? she knows where to put everything just where I would, and she is the only one willing to help with clean up! BUT... she did make me put the lights on the tree.

Suzi and I have spent some time together and she has spilled the Double Top Secret.

12/10/07, 8:58 PM
Stan Harrington  

Hey, quit prying to to the secrets that Suzie and I have, there are some secrets that should be kept between just the two of us. I must be a better manager than you, for years I put up the lights and then she would decorate the tree - aftrer hanging them upside down and backwards one year, she took over that chore as well. I heard from a very knowlegable source (Plumma,PHD) that they can cause cause cancer and reproductive problems especially if you suck on them or they come in contact with the skin. In his case, his PHD most likely stands for Piled, Higher, and Deeper.

12/10/07, 11:00 PM
john r mclay  

The lead is real, my friend. It also makes up a small part of the brass in standard faucets.
Don't you read the labels? You can only get these ailments from products if you are in Southern CA.

12/11/07, 5:45 AM
john r mclay  

I have spent some time with suzie, as well - now I understand any fetish that might develop. I think it would be fun to have the voice of Bobcat Goldthwait as the guide. Can it be customized - like a new ringtone? Just wait 'til suzie comes home - you might not recognize her.

12/11/07, 5:50 AM
RangerBill574  

Santa switched to a big rig a long time ago

12/19/07, 3:33 PM

Post a Comment